James Bond in Scots


(c) Eon Productions


I have at least one seriously silly thought every day and I’ve decided to share today’s seriously silly thought with you.  What would the titles of all the James Bond movies sound like if they’d been formulated not in Standard English, but in Scots?  Well, maybe like this:


Dr No                                                             Dr Naw

From Russia with Love                               Frae Russia wi Winchin’

Goldfinger                                                    Gauld Pinkie

Thunderball                                                  Thunner Baw

You Only Live Twice                                    Ye Onie Bide Twa Times

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service                On the High Heid-Yin’s Secret Service

Diamonds are Forever                                 Diamonds are Firiver

Live and Let Die                                            Bide an’ Let Dee

The Man with the Golden Gun                    The Gadgie wi the Gaulden Gun

The Spy Who Loved Me                               The Spy Whae Winched Me

Moonraker                                                     Moon Howker

For Your Eyes Only                                      Fir Yer Een Onie

Octopussy                                                      Octo-Fannie

A View to a Kill                                              A Shuftey tae a Malky

The Living Daylights                                     The Bidin’ Daylichts

Licence to Kill                                                Licence tae Malky


(c) Eon Productions


Goldeneye                                                      Gaulden Ee

Tomorrow Never Dies                                  The Morra Nivir Dees

The World is not Enough                             The Wirld isnae Eneuch

Die Another Day                                            Dee Anither Day

Casino Royale                                                Ceilidh-Hoose Royale

Quantum of Solace                                       Smeddum o Solace

Skyfall                                                             Sky Cowp

Spectre                                                           Bogle


All right, some poetic licence – as opposed to a licence to kill – has been deployed here.  Certain Scots words I used because I liked the sound of them, not because they captured the exact shade of meaning.


For example, I know that the Scots noun ‘pinkie’ refers to your little finger only, not to any old finger; and the verb ‘bide’ means ‘live’ as in ‘reside’, not ‘live’ as in simply ‘be alive’.  Also, I don’t know of any direct Scots equivalent of ‘Her Majesty’; so for the title of the sixth Bond movie (the only one to show 007 wearing a kilt) I used the term ‘high heid yin’, which means the boss, the person in charge of an organisation.  Although if you believe the rumours about what people living near Balmoral Castle — which since 1852 has been the Royal Family’s private residence in Scotland — call the Queen and her kin, maybe ‘the auld German wifie’ would have sufficed.  As for Ceilidh-Hoose Royale, well, that’s me being really daft.


Incidentally, by penning this post, I risk incurring the wrath of fulminating wee columnist John Macleod, who in the most recent Scottish edition of the Mail on Sunday lambasted the fad for translating literary works — especially works for children — into the Scots tongue.  He cited one of Hergé’s Adventures of Tintin, The Black Island, as an example of the horrors that happen — in 2013 Susan Rennie had the temerity to translate it, as The Derk Isle, into the frightful devil’s gobbledygook that is Scots.  As the learned Macleod knows, Tintin should only be read in the civilised eloquence of Hergé’s native Standard English.


Anyway, I’m sure this man would approve…


From www.pinterest.com 


By the way — happy belated 85th birthday, you grumpy auld bugger.


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